Bowling vs. Forearm Crutches

People take a lot of things for granted. Something as simple as bowling even. When it comes to me, nothing is simple.

All I wanted to do was simply go bowling with my sister and our friends for her 20th birthday. Was that too much to ask?

                       *not my sister

It began as a great night, having a lot of fun bowling and all. But as I watched everyone, I began to think. Why do I have to use this thing? This thing meant for toddlers.

Sure, I looked like I was laughing it off. But everytime I pushed the ball off the thing, I felt like shit.

After two rounds with the thing, I began to question what it’d be like to bowl like ‘normal’ person. You know better than that, Sarabeth. So I did it. I picked up the stupid yellow, 6 pound, ball. Inching my way toward the lane as my friends watched me struggle. I didn’t want help. I didn’t think I needed help.

God, why am I so stubborn. 

Once I got up to the lane, I was ready to break into tears. I felt like my body was punishing me. I didn’t think it was fair that they [my friends] could grab the ball, run up, and swing.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t cry. I didn’t show that I was in pain, mentually and physically.

I stayed quiet. This is my sister’s birthday, for godsake! I didn’t want to make a scene. I had just got out of the ER, I’ve had enough of the attention. It was her night.

I had no problem with sitting in the corner the rest of the night.

When my sister came to me asking if I was “okay”…I smiled, lied, and said yes.

This is all really my fault, I shouldn’t have tried it. I just wanted a taste of normality. I wanted to feel normal and it backfired. Hard.

Moral of the story?

You’re on forearm crutches to help you. Whether you are learning to walk again or not. Do what’s comfortable, don’t try to change yourself to fit in with what’s going on around you. You’ll feel a lot better in the end.

Happy 20th birthday, Sophia.